Immediate opening for a new future Mrs. Channing 100-Proof

Today is a sad day. A perennial member of the Future Mrs. Channing 100-Proof Club must be dismissed. Sadly I must say goodbye to Salma Hayek.

Hayek has always been in the top three. She has beauty, brains, talent and I love her accent. I just knew she was going to become Salma Hayek-100-Proof. Then I got the news that changed everything.

Hayek is now engaged to businessman Francois-Henri Pinault and is pregnant with their first child. So not only is she getting married but the dude has already knocked her up. It's just not right. I applaud Pinault for putting a bun in her oven but I can't help but think, "Why couldn't it have been me?"

Even though I don't like marriage, I do respect it so I am going to remove Hayek from my list of future wives. That means that there is now an opening. So ladies, if you think you have what it take to be the future Mrs. Channing 100-Proof, here is your chance to prove it.

Here are the basic qualifications:

* Must be between the ages of 18 and 40
* You don't have to be a rocket scientist but you need to be able to carry on a decent conversation
* A slightly off beat sense of humor is a requirement
* I have a lot of female friends so trust is a must, jealous women need not apply
* Back and neck massaging skills would be appreciated

If you fit the above requirements please feel free to submit your resume. With a little luck you could join an elite group that includes women like Christina Aguilera, Alicia Keys, Jessica Alba, Halle Berry, Mariah Carey, Jenna Von Oy, and Jessica Simpson.

You too can be one of the few, the proud, the Future Mrs. Channing 100-Proof.