Romanian Uniform Groupie, Part II

But back to uniformed men. I know there are far too many in Bucharest because they're everywhere. You can hardly walk ten feet without smacking into one. I don't think Romanian women have uniform fetishes. You don't make a fetish from something that is plentiful. Romanian women could probably care less.

“Uniform. Yeah. Look, chocolate.”

But an unsuspecting American woman could have serious trouble watching out where she's walking. I believe my first words upon arriving in Bucharest were, “Oooh, they should do a calendar.”

Let's just say that there aren't a whole lot of doughnut shops around here.

And there are so many different types of uniforms, you can't keep up with them all. You have the traffic officers, who wear blue and have to stand out in the middle of intersections. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen the same one twice. One branch wears an awesome black uniform with military-style cap that would make the Goth community back home simply drool. According to the official police department website, the uniform once involved a black frock and top hat. Unfortunately, I did not see a photo on the site. I can't imagine a frock and a top hat existing in the same universe, but I'm sure it must have been quite pretty.

It isn't just the police officers wearing uniforms either. Every pharmacy in the city has its own security guard. And the metro tunnels have guards that get to carry some pretty cool nightsticks. Those guys are out in force now that the metro company has added on some spiffy new trains.

The metro has gotten a couple of brand spanking new trains, in which you can go from one car to another without having to exit the train. Guards patrol these, probably to keep out guerilla artists and beggars. Being the uniform groupie that I now am, I have this ritual: Check out uniform until guard notices. Look away. Sneak glance to make sure he's looking elsewhere. Check out uniform until guard notices. Look completely innocent. Check out uniform. Wonder how he's supposed to yank that nightstick off his back in an emergency. Check out cool boots.

I'm sure they all think I'm mad by now. It's the same with the police. You can't help but look at them because they have such nice uniforms and they carry themselves so well, you think you're in the movies. Then you remember how crazy things get in the movies with uniformed Europeans, and think, "Maybe I'll go check out the guitarist doing Bob Dylan instead."

At any rate, they should be a tourist attraction. I'm far too fascinated by them. I've always been fascinated by things that I shouldn't be. It's a wonder I'm not dead.