Movie Review: The Astronaut Farmer

The Astronaut Farmer is a story about a cattleman who wants to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming an astronaut by building a rocket in his barn.

Shouldn’t this film be called The Astronaut Cattleman?

Everyone calls the cattleman Farmer. The banker calls him Farmer. His shrink calls him Farmer. Even his wife calls him Farmer. Everyone calls him Farmer except for the illegal Mexican ranch hand. He calls him “No habla espanol.”

Farmer’s got a beautiful wife, two young children and an older boy from a previous movie.

None of the children, thank God, looks like Billy Bob Thornton.

I think his wife has been messing around with one of the customers at the restaurant she works at while Farmer (Billy Bob) builds his rocket.

I kept thinking during the move “this guy was married to Angelina Jolie! Can you believe it? He was married to Angelina Jolie!”

The highlight of the movie is when Bruce Willis shows up to crush Farmer‘s dream of becoming the first astronaut cattleman (Farmer) in space.

Everyone thinks Bruce Willis died on an asteroid a few years ago. Apparently he survived and became a big-shot military guy. But he’s only in this movie long enough to cash his paycheck at the local bank.

Will Farmer complete his lifelong dream of circling the Earth in a homemade rocket?

Will the bank foreclose on Farmer’s ranch?

Will his wife ever stop calling him Farmer?

You will never know because you will not be seeing this movie.

Two Weasels out of Four

- Pop goes The Weasel