Valentine's Day Massacre Part 2: Survival Guide

In case you haven't heard, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. If you are single and not looking forward to it, here are a few tips that might help you survive.

• Take the day off – Call in sick. There are people that like to send their significant others Valentines Day gifts while they are at work. You don't want to be around when this happens because you will want to choke the giver and the receiver of said gift(s). Spare yourself and your coworkers the pain, take the day off and relax at home.

• Visit a "grown persons club" – I will be as politically correct as possible here. Go to a club that features people dancing in various states of undress. Male, female or both whatever you are into. Remind yourself that you don't need to be in a relationship to see naked people.

• Drink – Yes, I know that alcohol is a depressant and drinking it while you are already down could make you feel even worse but desperate times call for desperate measures. Take it from a pro, a little moderate drinking (heavy drinking if you are a professional) on Valentines Day is a good thing. I recommend non-romantic drinks, stick to hard liquor and beer. I have a whiskey, Cognac, and rum ready and waiting to get me through the day. I don't condone drinking and driving so when you lush out, be sure to do it at home.

• Watch Cheaters – It is too late for you to order the DVD boxed set but you can always check out some of their greatest hits on YouTube. You may be single and bitter but at least you are as bad as some of the people on this show.

Good night and good luck.