dealing with family

I've always been a lot like my dad -- we're both risk-takers, adventurous, optimistic and generous. Throughout this whole ordeal, he has been behind me 100 percent and believes I will be all right. My mom, on the other hand, is more cautious and pessimistic.

The idea that I will be sacrificing a kidney to a cousin I hardly know has been really tough for her. When I went to get tested in May at Mayo, my parents came with me to meet my social worker. I told Ms. Wickner that my mom was very against it, and at that moment my mom burst into tears. Ms. Wickner said that it was OK, that this is a huge surgery and it needs to be discussed. But my mom didn't want to hear anymore and she left the room. Then, of course, I started to cry. It wasn't that I was upset with my mom, it's just in my mom and I's genes: We call it the Carney curse (Carney is my grandma's maiden name and she cames from a very Irish family) ... if we see someone crying, the tears will start flowing.

I later talked to her about it when we were alone and she said that she had never wanted a cigarette so badly than at that moment (she quit 24 years ago). My mom says she wants Annie to be OK and to get a kidney, but not from one of her children (I have two younger brothers, 20 and 22).

Things have gotten better for her. She was heartened when she heard my surgeon, Dr. Andrews, has been doing living kidney donation surgeries since 1997, does about 200 a year and has never lost a life. Also, she knows that if a cadaver kidney became available that was a good match for Annie, Mayo would take it over mine; and that I have to do one last crossmatch test. She's holding out hope that something will happen to cancel my surgery.

My brothers aren't too crazy about the surgery either. My boyfriend, Drew, is behind me 100 percent. He says it's my decision and will support me no matter what. My grandparents are, of course, worried but proud of my decision. My friends couldn't be better and are cheering me on. My work supervisors and co-workers have been incredibly supportive and I am very thankful.

My mom and I are very close and I hate to see her upset. I told her back at the Mayo Clinic that it's OK to be scared. But I'm grown up now and I felt I needed to do this. I have faith in my doctors that they're going to get me through this all right.