Women are evil (this week)

I don't even know where to begin.

I love women. My momma is a woman. My best friends are women and you couldn't pay me to get rid of them. The person that knows me better than anyone else in the world is a woman. I think that woman are the most beautiful creatures God put on this planet. However, thanks to the actions of one person, females have been on my hit list for the last couple of weeks. I know that it won't last, but for now I am a card carrying member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.

It all started late one night when I received a phone call from one of my female friends, we'll call her Amber. I was winding down after a long week and I was tipsy and half asleep. At first I didn't plan on answering the phone but I saw her number on caller ID and heard her voice on the answering machine. When I picked up the phone she was in the process of leaving me a not so nice message. I said hello and she politely hung up in my face (Which, by the way, really pi$$es me off).

I don't remember exactly what Amber said, but I remember the overall message. Apparently, since we haven't talked in a long time, she thinks that I am not her friend and she has decided not to call me anymore. To be honest, I haven't talked to very many people in the last few weeks. Between work, home and some personal issues I just haven't had the time. I think I have talked to my parents twice in the last 30 days.

Also, in the past we have gone a while without talking. We both have jobs, Amber has/had boyfriends and we are in different states and time zones. That makes it a little hard to call and chit chat everyday.

I was feeling a little froggy, so I decided to jump. I called Amber back and as expected, she didn't answer. I left a message saying exactly what I just told you and said that if she wanted to call back fine, if not have a nice life. I then went to fix myself a drink.

Amber called back and there was some back and fourth. I reminded her that even though I didn't call I did send her a couple of text messages and emails to see how she was doing and to explain that I had been extra busy lately. I guess that was not good enough. Then the fun began.

According to Amber, I am just keeping her around as a "good time girl", like other guys in her life have done. I am not a real friend. She then hung up in my face…again. At this point my buzz was officially killed.

Let me rewind a little bit. Amber and I have a past that includes being more than friends but that was a LONG time ago. We have had many ups and down but we have stayed friends. I haven't seen her in about 5 years and, as I mentioned earlier, she lives in another freakin' state so the whole keeping her around for a "good time" claim is B.S.

There is one woman out there that has the right to call and tell me that I have not been a good friend. I treated her like dirt and I know it. She can call me collect and curse me out and I will be ok with it. She could slap me in the face in front my friends and family and I would not say a word. She has that right, Amber does not.

I have been there for this girl through some rough times. Cheating boyfriends, miscarriages, fights with parents, lack of finances and job loss among many other things. Plus, she has had my back on more than one occasion and I appreciate her for that. So where does she get off talking to me like I'm $hit? I am not perfect, Lord knows I am FAR from it, but she if is the last person in the world that can say that I am not a good friend. And if she is not the last, she is damn sure near the bottom of the list.

It's times like this when I am glad to be single. I caught pure hell from a woman that I am not even involved with just because I haven't talked to her in a while.

Why she decided to do it is beyond me. Maybe some guy did her wrong and she decided to take it out on me. Maybe this has been on her mind for a while and it she finally let it out. Maybe it was national "Tick off the guy that has always been nice to you" day.
Whatever her reason was, she picked the wrong guy at the wrong time.

I have been looking for a reason to get mean. Plus I know that my social life will improve dramatically once I stop being nice to woman and become a dog. I have wanted to try this for years but haven't had the nerve or the inspiration. Well, I think Mrs. Amber just helped me out.

Before this happened I thought I knew women fairly well. Now, I am not so sure of myself. I am about to start cursing women out and smacking them on the behind. I bet they'll respect me then.

Email: channing100proof@gmail.com