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Movie Theater Louts & Me

Posted by Johnny Edwards on January 02, 2009 - 1:02 PM

Whatever remained of my Christmas spirit died Thursday with a trip to the Augusta Exchange movie theater. It’s hard to have faith in the goodness of mankind after having a movie ruined by the worthless dregs who see nothing wrong with talking loud during a show.

I’m still off for the holidays. On New Year’s Day I took my 7-year-old daughter to see Marley & Me. About five minutes in, we had to move because the family behind us started chattering away at the decibel levels they probably use at their dinner table. They weren’t speaking English, and one of them was eating something crunchy.

We got up and moved to some seats closer to the screen. To our left, two women kept blurting out commentary at odd intervals. One of them refused to scoot her feet back when my daughter had to get up to go to the ladies room. Toward the end of the movie (spoiler alert) one of these women actually started laughing when Owen Wilson watches a veterinarian put the dog of the title down.

I wanted to tell them to shut up. I’ve done that with people plenty of times in the past. But I had my daughter with me, and a confrontation with strangers would have frightened her and ruined the day for her. Augusta’s Regal theater offers paging devices for Regal Crown Club members, which you can use to summon an employee at the touch of a button, but in the hurry to make the movie on time I forgot to pick one up. Even if I'd had one, I don’t understand how a worker would have known which people to warn when these ladies were only blurting stuff out every few minutes or so.

All sorts of things were going through my mind as they distracted me to the point that I couldn’t enjoy or even follow the movie. Who are the people who do this? Are they born with some cerebral malfunction that blocks out awareness of people around them in the darkness? Could scientists dissect their brains and study this abnormality?

I thought of James Cialella, the Iraq war vet who shot a man in the arm in a Philadelphia movie theater on Christmas after a fight broke out over someone talking during The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I read one Internet blog calling Mr. Cialella a folk hero. I wouldn’t go that far, but you’d think what he did would at least serve as a warning for this breed of idiots, that they should shut their traps or risk being maimed.

I thought of public schools. With all the things children are taught, couldn’t movie etiquette be squeezed into the curriculum somewhere?

I thought of the theater management. Would it be too much trouble for them to periodically send workers into theaters to check for talkers? Is preventing this behavior not among their priorities?

If it is, they could get creative with it. Require credit card numbers with ticket purchases, letting people know that if they disrupt a show they’ll be charged to reimburse everyone in the theater for their tickets. They could have employees in plainclothes sit in on movies, and if someone is being a pain, radio for the cavalry and have the jerks tossed out.

Or better yet, drag them to a back room and do to them what Robert DeNiro did to the card cheat in Casino. DeNiro had the guy’s hand smashed with a hammer because that’s what he used to cheat. The people I’m talking about use their lips to wreck movies, so use your imagination.

Of course, we live in a civilized society and these things can only be fantasized about. But I do think theater management should do more to protect moviegoers from babblers, cell phone users, loud eaters, or whatever. The theater shouldn’t expect patrons to risk confrontations by trying to enforce good behavior on their own. Oh yeah, that teenager who comes in and shushes the hoods I tattle on will do a whole lot of good in the parking lot later.

The coming year is bound to be a tough one economically, and we’re going to need movies for escape and catharsis. Ticket prices are inching close to $10. Is an usher walking in to check a few times per show too much to ask?

And hey, if manpower is a problem, I’ll even offer my services. Movie theaters, let me in for free, and I’ll work for free. All I need is a radio, a flashlight and authority to eject anybody who hacks me off.

Submitted by cpbypass on January 02, 2009 - 6:14 PM.

I'll sign up to. What kills me about the theaters in this town is the fact they won't play a movie with a gay nature until it is nominated for a Grammy. Got milk? not in Augusta.


Submitted by onemacguy on January 04, 2009 - 10:40 AM.

Because no one here cares to watch that crap.


Submitted by AUSTINR on January 02, 2009 - 8:33 PM.

The Evans Cinema Complex is FAR superior to the Augusta exchange. F-A-R SUPERIOR !


Submitted by centigray on January 03, 2009 - 10:30 AM.

Austin!!!! SSHHHHHHHH ! Don't tell the dregs of society about a good thing. They'll ruin it.


Submitted by losbarkie on January 02, 2009 - 10:09 PM.

The Evans theater might be better, I can't say since I haven't been to the Augusta theater in years - simply a matter of proximity and ease of navigation rather than a preference for one over the other. However, the patrons in Evans are no different. I've had more than one movie ruined there due to people in the theater talking to each other or on their cell phones. Our theaters are becoming a strong argument for home entertainment systems.


Submitted by Johnny Edwards on January 03, 2009 - 12:09 AM.

I hear you on the home entertainment systems, but what a shame to lose the institution of movie theaters not because of market forces, but because of inconsiderate jerks. Here's another thing that might work: When someone starts this junk during a movie, everyone else in the theater unite in shutting them up. Shush them. Admonish them. When one person does it, everyone else join in until the person quiets down or leaves. If they get out of order, someone volunteer to get an employee or a deputy and ask that the troublemaker be ejected.Sometimes when I try to stand up to these people, I find myself all alone, with everyone else choosing to stay out of it. We should all be interested in protecting our investment. It costs $30 for me and my daughter to go to a full-price movie and share a large popcorn and Coke.And something else I should clarify: None of what I'm talking about applies to the scenario of children in a kid-friendly movie. All parents know to be understanding, and noise is to be expected at movies geared to small children. If it's during a Pixar movie, it's fine. During a Clint Eastwood movie, that's another story.


Submitted by juliebac on January 02, 2009 - 10:38 PM.

Sign me up as well...had far too many movies messed up due to not hearing the movie for the patrons behind me talking on their cell or being really loud...when the "ushers" do patrol, they do not do anything, even after someone complains....ummmmm, makes you wish for the times when patrons being loud or unruly was just cause for their ejection from the theatre..."sigh"


Submitted by wallerstein on January 03, 2009 - 7:45 AM.

And sometimes the people you ask to hold it down get confrontational with you. I'm a big guy, but the one and only time I told a family of three to stop their chattering during The Incredible Hulk, their big daddy stood up and told me to shut up. I still go the theaters, but carry my gun with me, too.


Submitted by ial001 on January 03, 2009 - 10:41 AM.

your comment ...I thought of public schools. With all the things children are taught, couldn’t movie etiquette be squeezed into the curriculum somewhere? ....Mr. Edwards, you obviously have NOT been in some of the public school classrooms. They cannot teach students etiquette in the classroom (some are zoos) let alone someplace else. But nice thought! Being taught etiquette begins in the HOME, but if the parents are beligerant how do you expect their childen to behave?


Submitted by Johnny Edwards on January 04, 2009 - 1:40 AM.

You have a point there, but what I think has actually happened in public schools is that character education -- required under state law -- has fallen by the wayside because schools have become singularly obsessed with meeting all the No Child Left Behind criteria. Behaving in movies could fall under such Georgia and South Carolina-mandated character words as "courtesy," "self-control," "respect for others" and "good manners."Maybe what could be tried now is putting theater etiquette on CRCT tests. Then teachers and administrators would fall all over themselves to teach it. Here's a sample question:When watching a movie in public you should: A) Socialize with your friends.B) Catch up on text messaging.C) Eat potato chips that you snuck in.D) Shut up and watch the movie.While we're at it, we could also add tipping waiters and waitresses on the CRCT. The possibilities are endless.


Submitted by piperpig on January 03, 2009 - 1:44 PM.

I really hate to say this, but go to Evans. It's a much better class of people.


Submitted by brad.owens on January 03, 2009 - 3:19 PM.

I had a couple of knuckle heads making noise one time in Regal. I started by just turning and staring at them...they looked at me and I just stared...the guy said "What?"...I just continued to stare with a VERY cold look. The guys said, "Turn around.." I then said, "I will when you two shut the f@#k up." The guy was an older guy, mid 50's, he and his wife got a look of absolute shock on their faces. He mumbled something about how I was rude and they both shut up. Another time me and a few friends went out to the Regal and there were some "Gangstas" who thought it would be a good idea to be REALLY loud and laugh and talk. I was not near them but the people in front of them turned and said something, it was some younger white kids, and the "Gangstas" proceeded to become even more loud and then threats started to flow...I got up went out and got the extra duty officer. I came back, took him to the guys and said, "Officer, these guys here are being disruptive and I heard them threaten these kids here with violence. I am a bail enforcement officer with the county and I will write a sworn statement if you want me to." They could not believe their ears. The officer escorted them out and I made sure I flashed my pistol where they could see it along with my badge while he was considering DC charges against them. It was amazing how humble they all got once they didn't have an audience.


Submitted by Johnny Edwards on January 04, 2009 - 1:28 AM.

Bingo! This is exactly what it's going to take if we're to take back our movie theaters.  Someone stood up to them, then you stood up for those people. Beautiful. (Though I'm not sure I agree with the pistol aspect of what you did.)Now the next step would be for you to be partially reimbursed for your ticket, since you undoubtedly missed some of the movie while having to fool with this.


Submitted by brad.owens on January 05, 2009 - 5:36 AM.

The only reason I did that Johnny, pulled back my coat while talking at a distance from the 'Gangstas' was so that they knew I was not some ramdom person and that IF they choose to take this any further, say like following me to my car, it would not be a bright choice. Plus, I DID want them to think, since the officer could see the weapon and had no problem with it, that they had pissed off a person of authority. Now as a registered Bail Enforcement Officer I can arrest people but only ones in violation of their bail with a warrant issued for their arrest. So the badge and gun are for that, but the idiots in movie didn't need to know that. All they saw was a badge and 'fellow' cops on their ass. It was a moment of perfection really. Ruined my movie but the folks at Reagl gave me a pass to come back. I for one REFUSE to allow people to do that around me. I don't care if I miss the movie.


Submitted by nbreese on January 04, 2009 - 1:27 AM.

Black people love to talk and comment during films.. this is the case everywhere. You really have to pick your theater wisely. When I lived in Atlanta, we would drive up to Kennesaw to see a movie, because it was the only place to watch it in peace and quiet. I think there were like 3 black people in Kennesaw at that time.


Submitted by Johnny Edwards on January 04, 2009 - 1:38 AM.

This isn't a racial issue. Ignorance comes in all colors. The worst problems I've had with people disrupting movies have involved whites, like me. Once a 6'5''-plus white guy who I shushed at a theater in Athens cursed me, then followed me in the parking lot. Fortunately, he chickened out at the last minute and didn't do anything. Another time, I complained on a group of white teenagers at Augusta Exchange and got them kicked out. One of them hissed, "Snitch!" at me as he walked by.So are white people just prone to disrupt movies and act aggressive when confronted? Should I loathe myself now?


Submitted by nbreese on January 04, 2009 - 2:29 AM.

Ever been to a movie with a substantial number of black people in the audience? This is what it is like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qFX0SS2Hxo


Submitted by JStrombeck on January 04, 2009 - 1:17 AM.

This is why I quit going to movie theatres several years ago. I refuse to pay good money to listen to people talk on their cell phones, have personal conversations with their friends, throw food, let their babies scream, let their kids run up and down the aisles, etc.


Submitted by dashiel on January 04, 2009 - 12:09 PM.

The Georgia Theater Company(which owns Evans Cinema and once owned the Fox in Atlanta and the Miller in Augusta, among other legendary moviehouses throughout the Peach State)has learned a thing or two since sound became an important part of the motion picture experience. Times have changed but audiences haven't. An audience is the only human arrangement dumber than a committee. You can't reason with cowards in the dark(Other than that, Mr. Lincoln, how was the play?)and,in a contemporary smartly managed cinema-warren, you shouldn't have to. It's amazing how much respedt a white-gloved badly disfigured usher can command. A good one can flush out a miscreant quicker than a Jack Russell down a foxhole.


Submitted by dhd1108 on January 05, 2009 - 8:41 AM.

obviously ya'll are seein the wrong movies. ones geared towards rambling inconsiderate potato-chip eating brutes. i enjoyed my time with a lovely lady watching the curious somethingerother of benjamin button. the only thing that annoyed me was no kiss at the end of the date >=p


Submitted by piperpig on January 05, 2009 - 12:34 PM.

Yeah, you'll probably have a different class of people at certain movies, i.e., probably won't have to worry about people screaming at the screen during a showing of a more sophisticated movie, while having to deal with the madhouse if you attend your usual pop culture movie (the horrible movie experience of my life was at Final Destination: the entire audience laughed and screamed throughout the entire movie--white and black). The worst movie experience of my life, however, came while watching The Sixth Sense. With ten minutes left some rather large--okay fat--lady stood up and screamed "Bruce Willis be dead!!" Up until that time, I didn't realize it yet, and she completely ruined the movie for me. So, thank you fat lady for doing that. Of course, what does that say about me, considering I was out-sleuthed by a woman who was devoting at least 50 percent of her brain power to her popcorn and candy. Oh well.


Submitted by nbreese on January 05, 2009 - 1:09 PM.

You know what they say... "The movie's over when the fat lady screams"


Submitted by Damon Cline on January 05, 2009 - 11:46 PM.

Good points Johnny. I firmly believe that close to 50 percent of the angst and stress in most of our lives would disappear if people could, in addition to keeping their mouths shut at movie theaters:1) Keep right, except to pass.2) Say "thank you" to people who hold doors open.3) Consider flushing the toilet in public restrooms.4) Realize that tips reflect the level of service provided.5) Learn that the best place to have a conversation at the grocery store is NOT in the middle of the aisle.6) Understand that one person's right to peace and quiet always trumps another person's right to make noise, especially at night.7) Enunciate, particularly when talking through a speaker system.8) Park in between -- not on -- the yellow lines.9) Dispose of trash in trash cans.I'm sure there's a 10th one out there somewhere, it's just not coming to mind right now.


Submitted by dhd1108 on January 06, 2009 - 1:45 AM.

10) refrain from wearing 3" long nails when deciding your life's ambition is to prepare/handle fast food
10)a realize that just because one's suv is bigger than a schoolbus, that one do not own the road
10)b keep the running commentary with co-workers to a minimum while assisting a customer
10)c understand that enjoyment of music is not tied to the decibel which at it is played


Submitted by JustBNice on January 06, 2009 - 2:09 PM.

I agree with Johnny Edwards in that it's not a RACE issue. It's a respect for others issue. It doesn't matter the color. There are disrespectful people of all races and it's all about how you were raised as a child...nbreese comments were out of line in that whatever experience he had with black people doesn't mean all black people act the same way. His comments only fuel the fire of racial tension. I hope that people of all walks of life can put aside their past hurts and forgive others and learn to accept one another's differences. As far as the topic of noise in the theaters, back when I was a kid there still used to be drive-in-movie theaters. You could do whatever in your car...eat, talk, kiss your girlfriend wildly and forget the movie and it didn't bother anyone else. As you can see...those have all just about disappeared from the Landscape to the Indoor Movie Theater culture, so will the Indoor Theater disappear to the Home Movie Theater of 52" LCD screens and Home Surround Sound. So hopefully, in order to not lost this one....Everyone should really try to get along and enjoy this pop culture phenomenon while we still have it. Be Courteous, respectful, polite, and remember your manners. It will be a much better world for everyone.


Submitted by nbreese on January 06, 2009 - 3:52 PM.

No one said that "all" black people talk during movies, but based on decades of experience at many different theaters, when the audience is predominately black, there is a much, much higher probability that there will be talking on cell phones, talking back at the actors on the screen (they can't hear you!), and just general distractions. Same with any movie with a large number of gyspsies.. they will routinely get up leave the theater, and come back and repeat this cycle every 10 minutes or so, causing a disturbance every time (that is one reason we don't see movies at regal exchange anymore). Now we have had movies disrupted at The Evans cinema, but it is very RARE..at other theaters with different demographics it was rare to see a movie that was not interrupted by Baby Mama talking on her cell phone.


Submitted by wallerstein on January 07, 2009 - 12:41 AM.

That is B.S.

I saw the last Harry Potter movie at Evans about a week after opening, a Thursday I believe. Some 5-year-old on the other side of the theater screamed, "I Want MY Daddy!!!" a solid 10 minutes. No one on that side of the room did a thing the entire time.

So I continue to go to Regal....and get on the case of movie-disrupters as needed.