Blame Santa for high gasoline prices

Turmoil in Nigeria causes the price of crude oil to rise dramatically. The next day the price of gasoline goes up 10 cents. How is that possible?

There is only one plausible explanation - Santa Claus!

Lets look at the facts:

- OVERNIGHT DELIVERY: If Santa can deliver toys to every child in the world in in a single day, he can certainly deliver high-priced gasoline to any location, overnight.

- PIMP MY SLEIGH: Santa’s sleigh already looks like a small boat. It can easily be converted to carry petroleum products. Add an extended cab and a little Santa magic, and suddenly Rudolph and the gang are pulling a super-tanker.

- TIME ON HIS SIDE: Santa has plenty of free time to dabble in the gasoline market because he only works one day a year.

- BLACKMAIL: Santa has a list of who’s naughty or nice. He can use the information to keep competitors away.

- COAL CONNETCTION: Santa gives naughty children a lump of coal. He implies there is something wrong with America’s most abundant energy source. Is he converting children into oil consumers at an early age?

- ALIAS: Santa Clause, Kris Kringle, St. Nick - the list of assumed names goes on and on. Why would an honest person need so many aliases?

- MANPOWER: A recent flood of illegal immigrant elves has depressed wages at the North Pole. Santa can now undercut the major oil providers and still make a hefty profit. If you want gasoline, fast, you’ll have to deal with the man in the red suit.

- ANWAR: Rumors are spreading that the government knows about Santa’s gasoline business. That’s probably the reason they have been trying for years to drill at the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.

It's time to put an end to the North Pole cartel!

- Pop Goes The Weasel