Did St. Patrick wear a bikini...and other random thoughts

A look back at last week.

In honor of St. Patrick's Day our local Hooters held a bikini contest. Now I am not a historian but I don't remember anything about St. Patrick wearing a swimsuit while he was driving the snakes out of Ireland. Hopefully this will start a trend of salacious holiday celebrations. We can have events like Fourth of July Mud Wrestling, the Presidents Day Lingerie Party, the Thanksgiving Day wet T-Shirt Showdown, Christmas Hard Body competition, Women's History Month Pajama Jammy Jam and the Masters Week Calendar Girl Search.

I see that Terrell "I Need a Kick in the Throat" Owens signed with the Dallas Cowboys. This sends a great message to kids everywhere. If you act like the stereotypical spoiled, rich athlete, b**ch and moan about everything, talk bad about your teammates and disrespect your coaches you can get an estimated $25 million dollar contract. I guess when you are 6'4" and about 230 lbs having a bad attitude and being poison in the locker room is OK. This just gives me one more reason to hate tall people (and the Dallas Cowboys).

Isaac Hayes, the voice of Chef, quit South Park last week. According to the Associated Press, Hayes claims that "he can no longer stomach its take on religion." Now I love Isaac and have all the respect in the world for him for standing up for what he believes in but isn't it a little late for his conscience to kick in. He has been on that show since it began in 1997 and now he decides that it is too mean. I find it funny that he made this decision only a few months after his religion, Scientology, was satirized. He should have just come out and said, "I am mad at them because they made fun of MY religion. I don't really give a dam about the others." This is yet another example of hypocrisy and religion going hand in hand.

Speaking of South Park, there is a rumor floating around that Tom "I am God" Cruise played a role in getting the "Trapped in the Closet" episode pulled from the air. Paramount Pictures, which is releasing the film, is owned by Viacom. In what could be an example of corporate synergy gone wrong, Viacom also owns Comedy Central. The short version of the story is that he threatened to no do press for Mission Impossible 3 if the episode is aired again. If this is true, it looks like Maverick might needs another Kick in the Throat.

EA Sports is releasing a new game based on the The Godfather movie. Grand Theft Auto doesn't seem so bad now, does it folks?

Samuel L. Jackson is starring in a film called Snakes on a Plane. It doesn't matter what it's about, this movie has Sam Jackson, snakes and planes so it is going to be the greatest film ever. It is going to be next year's Brokeback Mountain. If there is any justice in the world, Jackson will stand up in the middle of the movie and scream, "Yes those snakes deserved to die and I hope they burn in hell!"

Email: channing100proof@gmail.com