Area candidates criticized for lack of local flag pins

The day after local elections decided the fate of area primary candidates, non-participating voters cited a lack of flag pins as the primary reason for their avoidance of the polls.

Harlem’s Anne Davis said she was disappointed in the decisions of candidates to not show support for their region with an appropriate flag pin.

“If it’s good enough for presidential candidates, it should be good enough for politicians seeking a lower office,” Davis said. “A lot of people judge candidates not on the content of their character, but by the color of their flag pin.” *

Davis said she was concerned the candidates did not appear to identity with the people they were hoping to speak for.

“I want my representative’s attire to speak on my behalf on a daily basis,” Davis said, “not just tell the world they represent Anytown, U.S.A.”

Augusta State political science professor James Hillison said he noticed a correlation between flag pins and local political success.

“Several candidates did appear to flex their flag pin muscle,” Hillison said. “In particular, Paul Brown wore a row of thirty-seven pins representing every legally-defined area he is a part of, from his street to his water district to a U.N. flag to a pin in the shape of the universe.”

Local pin manufacturers are already stepping up production efforts in anticipation of candidate responses to criticism. Pins modeled after city flags will now be available alongside pins representing the shapes of various state representative districts and other identifying markings.

“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of,” Communigraphics manager Fred Simpson said. “I mean, most of the shapes of these districts are completely unrecognizable.”

“Candidates won’t be able to identify the pins representing their own districts.”

Note: When flag pins became a big deal, I knew I had something good on my hands. Of course this is fake, but it was a story that needed to be made up. Credit for the inspiration goes to one of San Francisco Chronicle cartoonist Don Asmussen’s recent works.

*Yeah, I know, I ripped off the famous Martin Luther King Jr. line ‘I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.’ Sorry.