Local man plans secession for Independence Day

One local man is planning to celebrate Independence Day in his own unique way:

By seceding from the United States of America.

Inspired by the Charlie Daniels Band song “The South’s Gonna Do It Again” and a case of S’more flavored Schnapps, house boat owner Jimmy Perkins plans to declare his independence at midnight on July 4th.

“I will be sailing my boat out to the center of the Savannah, dropping anchor, and declaring my property a sovereign nation within the United States of America,” Perkins said.

Future Houseboat Nation of Jimmy Perkins

Though he has not determined a name for his nation, Perkins said he was inspired by the Republic of Kinney and its 1977 tongue-in-cheek secession from the United States.

“If that little town can do it, then so can I,” Perkins said. “I mean, how hard could it be?

“They just wrote a letter to the Secretary of State and were good to go.”

Despite a lack of funds, supplies and sober thought of any kind, Perkins plans to enjoy his nation for some time to come.

“I love this country, Georgia Bulldogs football and Mariah Carey, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

Richmond County authorities did not express much concern at the man’s plans for secession.

“Yeah, he tried this last year without much success,” Richmond County Sheriff Ronnie Strength said. “Last year it was Jagermeister and he was so drunk that, when he tossed his anchor, it went through the hull of his boat and he had to be rescued.”

“I heard he got a new boat, but I didn’t think he’d try it again this year.”

County court records indicate the only person in recent years that has attempted to legally secede was local citizen activist Woody Merry.

Records show that he filed a statement with the county clerk in October of 2007, declaring his intention to secede from Richmond County government authority.

He indicated his desire to remain a resident of Georgia and the United States, but said he could “no longer tolerate the tyranny, oppression and ineffective leadership forced on him by Richmond County government.”

Note: As usual, the content of the above article is completely false. If you know anyone seriously interested in secession, please leave comment to be contacted for a future nonsensical report by the News Abuser.