Gas prices blamed for cars parked on lawns

Area officials are scratching their heads at the disturbing trend, stuck between the need to do something about it and the question of what they can ask people to do.

“Yeah, it’s annoying to see all those cars parked on people’s lawns,” Augusta code enforcer Ron Johnson said, “but what can we ask them to do about it? Drive more?”

Johnson said many communities restrict the long-term parking of vehicles on the curb, and many residents can’t sell them because they owe more than the car is worth.

“People do not want to park vehicles they are not using in the garage and they don’t want to have to move them out of the driveway every time they leave,” Johnson said,” so the only real option is for people to park their cars on the lawn.”

Evans resident Philip Jacobs IV said the irony of parking his $54,000 Lexus on the front lawn of his $380,000 house is not lost on him.

“Yeah, it’s a bit frustrating,” Jacobs said, “but the cost of gas is really getting to me.

“The worst part of it is that I had to park the car right in the middle of an area we spent $24,000 landscaping last summer.”

Rural residents who have been parking dead vehicles in their yards for years are angry that their urban counterparts have picked up on the trend.

Ben Markson, who lives about four miles due south of Drone, Georgia, said he is trying to carry on a tradition of parking cars on his lawn that dates back to his great grandfather’s 1916 Studebaker Speedster.

“Man, they’re trying to take the one good thing we have away from us,” Markson said. “City folk have everything so good, and they are taking our one rural comfort and urbanizing it.

“Yeah, that’s right. I know big words like urbanizing. Write that down.”

Note: Obviously this isn’t a real trend, so this story is as fake as the rest of them. Yes, people are driving a little less, but parking cars in the front lawn has not taken off as of yet. Apologies in advance for the abuse of rural stereotypes, but I think it balances out since we're making fun of ourselves.