The Weasel: matchmaker to the stars

Hollywood’s elite couples, who professed their undying love to each other in extravagant ceremonies, are now spending lavishly - on divorce lawyers.

Renee Zellweger barely had time to dry clean her wedding gown when she announced she was leaving husband Kenny Chesney.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston shocked the world when their perfect union crumbled
like a piece of wedding cake in the hands of a two-year-old child.

Paris Hilton didn’t even wait to get married before dumping her boyfriend, Paris.

While opposites attract, The Weasel believes people who have something in common make the best unions. As a public service to Hollywood couples, The Weasel will now play matchmaker to the stars.

Couple No. 1 - Dick Clark and Marlee Matlin
He likes to party, but only one day a year.
She prefers sight over sound.
What they have in common: They are hard to understand when they talk.

Couple No. 2 - Charlie the Tuna and Mariah Carey
He’s got good taste and a New York accent.
She’s got no class and a New Jersey accent.
What they have in common: They both look like bloated fish.

Couple No. 3 - Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon
She has lots of “Friends”
She is “Legally Blond.“
What they have in common: Their chins were separated at birth.

Couple No. 4 - Keith Richards and Kate Moss
He is a superstar rocker who experimented with drugs.
She is a supermodel who allegedly experimented with drugs.
What they have in common: OK, maybe this relationship won’t work. A Rolling Stone gathers no Moss.

Next Time: The Weasel reveals some really bad ideas

- Pop goes The Weasel