Perspective

Like husbands and wives the world over, Paul and I have had the “trading places” conversation – the one where we each admit that we’d love to have the other person’s job, if just for a day. It’s not as much about deciding who has it easier as it is appreciating the advantages to the other person’s situation.

“For one day,” I tell Paul wistfully, “I’d love to go to the office and be able to focus on a project without being interrupted repeatedly.”

“Hmmm,” muses my husband, “so would I.” What I mean, I explain, is not being interrupted to clean up a spill or break up a heated light-saber duel or stop to answer (again!): if you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be? Paul admits his secretary rarely asks him this question.

These conversations can be quite healthy. When there is no underlying agenda or bitterness, talking about the pros and cons of our respective days can help us appreciate our spouse – and also our own situation. When Paul tells me how lucky I am to be home with our boys – and then takes the time to explain exactly why he thinks I’m lucky – well, I walk away feeling lucky. Hearing his thoughts helps me look at all the beauty and wonder of life with boys, to appreciate the joy of knowing what superpower I want (mind control) instead of being frustrated with half-finished projects and toxic laundry.

It’s true of course that we as mothers should recognize the importance of our vocation. And it’s certainly nice when we are encouraged in the fine art of parenting. I had a priest recently pat me on the back, literally, and tell me I was doing a good job. He recognized that the world is not filled with people who do that. On that day, I greatly appreciated his gesture – it was encouragement I badly needed.

On good days, I understand that there is nothing more important at this point in my life than to focus on raising my boys. In addition to co-managing Home Sweet Home Inc., my number one job is to teach my boys to know, love and serve Jesus. God has charged me with this task, with caring for these children, and they are the greatest gifts I’ve been given.

On tough days, though, that goal gets blurry. Instead of a clear vision – and the energy and desire to carry it out – I start to lose sight of what it’s all about. Instead of looking at the big picture, all I can see is the hundred little things not going well. On really bad days I find myself making a mental list of How I’m Failing; recent entries include “today the boys behaved badly in Mass,” and also “your son’s feet look like a hobbit.”

It’s usually around this time that I realize I need to get out, to take a walk or go out to dinner with friends. For a few minutes I turn the focus to me, in a good way, and I force myself to slow down, take a deep breath and also get a grip.
Invariably, on these occasions, I need some perspective. I find someone who can remind me that today is not forever, that I am fighting the good fight, that this is worth it and wonderful and also one of the toughest jobs of earth.

On these days, when I beg Paul to switch places, it’s nice to hear that he wishes we could. He reminds me not only of the nobility of motherhood, but also of how much fun caring for these boys can be. Motherhood isn’t always a laugh a minute, but there’s certainly a lot of goodness and fun mixed in.