Area cheerleaders win 37th national championship of 2008

Groups from area colleges, high schools and competition squads have been raking in nearly a dozen national championship awards a month, and are on pace for more than 100 national championships by the end of the year.

Megan Willis of SuperCheerStarz, which reported six national championships through March, said she was proud of her girls but has started questioning the legitimacy of a system that awards the majority of its participant’s national champion status.

“We are excited to receive so many awards, but we noticed at our last competition that everyone else is posing with national championship banners too,” Willis said. “Does that mean we’re not really national champions?”

Other cheerleading organizations contacted by News Abuser staff reported similar success. In fact, only a few groups reported receiving anything less than a national championship at any event they had attended in the last few years.

The primary reason given for not receiving national championships was that they forgot to show up for the event. Two competitions actually mailed the championship banner to the team even though they never showed up.

Industry officials rejected the idea that every cheerleading group is declared national champion on a regular basis, though one source admitted the numbers indicate otherwise.

With over 950 governing bodies hosting over 60,000 national championship level events in over 180 cities annually, the odds seem in favor of the cheerleaders, given there are only 12,000 groups in the country.

Note: All of the numbers and information in the above commentary is made up, as is the content of this story. Nothing against cheerleading, but has anyone else noticed all the photos in the paper of national championship-winning cheer groups?

Either all the best cheerleaders live in the CSRA, or there are way too many competitions. It'd be like the NFL having ten Super Bowls, or college football having 32 bowl games... wait, nevermind.