Pimento Cheese crisis threatens 2008 Masters

Masters food vendor Centerplate has announced the price of pimento cheese has risen over 50 percent in the last year, to over $110 a barrel. Production disruptions in North Carolina, wage conflicts in the dairy pastures of California and rampant speculation have fueled a meteoric rise in prices.

“We’re really struggling to overcome the price problems we are experiencing,“ food service spokesman Tom Arnold said. “We have a tradition to uphold here, but at the same time, we’re trying not to lose our shirts on the deal.”

Food service officials have considered solutions ranging from raising the prices of the sandwiches to offering the sandwiches as a loss-leader to encourage the purchase of other items at concessions stands. Officials have even considered taking the unprecedented step of shortening the tournament to three rounds.

Arnold said tournament officials have asked Governor Sonny Perdue to declare a pimento cheese state of emergency in Richmond County, in an effort to clear the way for federal funds to help deal with the crisis.

FEMA spokesman James McIntyre said emergency officials are standing by for federal approval to deliver 26 truckloads of pimento cheese from federal emergency supply warehouses in Kentucky and Alabama.

“This thing has gone straight to the top,” McIntyre said. “The President is being kept apprised of the situation in his morning briefings, and is expected to make a decision in the next few days.”

Mozzarella, cheddar and Cheez Whiz manufacturers have offered to assist in resolving the crisis, but concessions officials rejected their offers, saying they’re trying to taint the tradition of the tournament.

Note: Rest easy, there isn't really a pimento cheese crisis. And the rest of the story is fake too.