Perdue to cut school funding by 100 percent

The cuts, set to go into effect for the 2008-2009 school year, has area teachers and school administrators on edge as the idea is batted around in state government.

Perdue released a statement claiming he was hoping the funding cuts would have a positive impact on the community, and free up money for a wide variety of programs.

“We currently provide more than 51 percent of the funding for public schools in the state, and I think the local and national governments could do much more to help,” Perdue said. “By cutting all funding for the upcoming school year, I’m forcing the federal government’s hand and requiring action to prevent the cancellation of our children’s education.

“It allows us to spend the newly-available funds on wilderness protection, police, and my favorite area: Fishing!””

Perdue wouldn’t comment on the possibility that the federal government will simply refuse to make up the difference in funding. He instead focused on other “positive” aspects of the decision.

“Almost 85 percent of all bomb threats are school-related, so if schools are closed, the number of bomb threats will plummet, and local governments will save lots of money,” Perdue said. “Plus, all those kids will have to stop sponging off the government and get jobs.”

Richmond County Superintendent Dana Bedden says he is outraged at the governor’s cavalier attitude towards education funding.

“No matter his reasoning, if he thinks he can simply eliminate state funding for education, he’s got another thing coming,” Bedden said. “He’s got his SonnyDo list, I’m going to add a beatdown to my DanaDo list.”

Note: This clearly has no basis in reality, and I really hope he doesn’t do this, because that would be bad. But with all the fighting and discussion going on about school funding in Atlanta, you have to wonder if anyone’s proposed this, even as a joke. Dr. Bedden’s awesome; I know he would know what to do. I found the 51 percent number on a PowerPoint I found with Google, so it must be true.