Local satirical columnist forgets to write column

In late breaking news this week, a local satirical columnist revealed that he indeed missed deadline on his column.

Traditionally written on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, the weekly News Abuser column has become a fixture in the blogosphere, and the disruptions are said to have been felt as far away as Hephzibah and Evans.

Abuser claims the problem was related to the Internet outage being experienced in the Middle East, though that was obviously a lie.

Though he wouldn’t give a real excuse for the error, News Abuser reported he would be redoubling efforts to publish his column in its usual “somewhat on time” format in the weeks and months to come.

“I regret the harm and inconvenience to the nearly ten readers of my column,” Abuser said, “and hope that my absence has not caused them any concern as to my well-being.”

Executives at blogs.augusta.com say they have not decided what punitive actions to take for the error, but a reliable source leaked that the blog will now go from being posted for free to being charged for online publication. Donations to keep the blog alive can be sent to newsabuser@igotstogetpaid.com.

Note: I really did forget to write it until this morning. That’s the truth. For real. No joke. Sorry. And don’t send any money. At least, don’t send it until I register that email address and can collect. I'll do better next week.