Father Time elects to skip 2008

In an unprecedented move, Father Time announced his decision to skip 2008 entirely and move forward to 2009.

Apparently, the mythical figure is very real, and very powerful.

Though Time was unavailable for an interview on his decision, a press release said he had several reasons for the decision.

“Frankly, we spent the last few months of 2007 getting tired of political ads, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to avoid them entirely by skipping the election year,” Time said.

Incidentally, the 2008 presidential election was won by Janet Reno, who capped off an 11^th hour declaration of candidacy with a successful write-in campaign garnering over 52,000,000 votes. America is now bracing itself for four more years of “Reno Time.”

Time also mentioned the New England Patriots, ‘celebrities the world over’ and the return of boy bands as additional reasons for the decision.

“Of course, the Patriots won the Super Bowl again, and everyone’s tired of it,” Time said. “Celebrities kept getting arrested, giving their kids dumb names and making dumb movies that made Gigli look Oscar-worthy, so you didn’t miss anything.”

“The music industry’s desperate effort to return boy bands to popularity was, thankfully, a four month disaster best avoided by everyone. Consider yourself fortunate.”

Martinez resident Thomas Sanders said the rip in the space-time continuum didn’t bother him.

“At first, I thought it was Al Qaeda’s latest assault on America,” Sanders said, “but then I realized that, given the chance, I would probably skip about five of the last eight years anyways.”

"It saved me a year of changing diapers, but I did get a year older, and I just didn’t need that."

Note: Don't worry, it's really 2008. I’m just messing with your minds at this point. Happy New Year from all of us at Abuse Central.