NFL Network acquires broadcast rights to top shows

NFL Network President and CEO Steve Bornstein announced Tuesday morning that the network had acquired the rights to American Idol, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy and The Simpsons in a bid to expand its offerings.

“After we got away with acquiring college football bowl games and other non-NFL content, we knew anything was possible,” Bornstein said. “The best part is, the networks are paying us billions of dollars a year for a few football games, and we’re using their money to stab them in the back.”

Plans to acquire rerun rights to Gilligan’s Island, Happy Days and M*A*S*H are in the works. Network officials would not comment on the apparent trend of the network to cover less and less football until it eventually goes the route of MTV and abandons relevant content entirely.

NFL Network, which is carried by only two of the top eight cable distributors, has drawn widespread criticism for carrying occasional major sporting events that are inaccessible for the overwhelming majority of the American viewing public.

Network officials want the programming to be available on basic cable, but cable providers do not want to pay the extra fees for a network that hosts only a few significant broadcast events a year.

Note: None of the above jibba jabba about acquiring mainstream television programming is true, but Bornstein is actually the leader of NFL Network. And yes, you can assume I’m still angry about not being able to see the Cowboys play the Packers last Thursday. This little non-local bonus rant is courtesy of the News Abuser.