Store announces plans to play 'Holiday' music throughout the year

What separates one store from others is the plan of one retailer to remain in the holiday spirit throughout the year.

News Abuser spoke to an employee of one local retail store (who asked to remain anonymous) who says the store will make the change because its owner loves the season.

“The holiday music is nice and all, but I start to get a little bonkers after six weeks,” ‘Mariah Carey’ said. “Now we’re talking about the same music playing throughout the year?”

Carey mentioned the manager did mention some variety would be included, but the options were not improving her mood about the changes.

“I was told in the meeting that the music would change once a month, with different genres as the year continues,” Carey said. “Jazz in March, zydeco in May and classical in August all sound nice, but Weird Al April strikes terror into my heart.”

Store Manager Janet Smith said she understands the employees concerns, but quoted ‘Gone With The Wind’ in her response to the employees.

“Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn,” Smith said. “It boosts sales during the holiday season, and there’s no evidence to suggest it hurts sales during the rest of the year.

“Technically, there’s no evidence because nobody’s ever done this before, but it’s worth a shot.”

Smith said it is a lot easier to deal with anticipated high turnover by training new employees than to spend hundreds of hours setting up and taking down different displays, lights, and other seasonal themes throughout the year.

NOTE: I would assume it's a given by now, but, as usual, none of this mess is true. I just made it up for the amusement of others. There, I said it.