Thankful

Last week, we took the boys hiking at one of our favorite pre-offspring stomping grounds. Years ago, in the days before boys and babies (and all those boy babies!), Paul and I were in the habit of hitting the trail for some serious mountain biking on some tough terrain.

The last time we were at this trail was probably not long before we found out we were pregnant with Ethan. Being pregnant instantly signaled the end of the hard-core biking. Going back after so many years was fun and nostalgic.

It was a perfect fall day as we wandered through the paths of the forest. This time, however, we were on foot and with a whole brood of boys in tow. As we hiked, I couldn’t help but reflect on all the changes the years had brought. Here we were, eleven years later, marching through the woods. I would never have predicted that the next time I came to the forest it would be with my five (five!) boys (five boys?!). 

The days before we had all these boys were indeed special days. They were filled with mountain biking and day trips and staying up and sleeping in. Those days included small cars that were not filled with melted crayons and discarded candy wrappers and last week’s homework. Ah yes, small, quiet, clean little cars.

Those days were indeed glorious – but also a bit empty.

While I treasure the memories of our early years of married life, in so many ways those days don’t compare to the way things are now. As much as I love those days, I love these days even more.

Walking through the woods, doing so much thinking and comparing, I started taking stock of all the good things I have. Coming back to a place that holds so many memories offered the interesting dichotomy of the then and the now. Being there brought into focus all that we had and who we were years ago – and all that we had been given and become since then.

“O great and good Creator,” writes St. Francis de Sales, “how much do I owe to thee, since out of my nothingness thou has made me what I am? How can I ever worthily bless thy holy name and thank thine infinite goodness.”

Of course I don’t mean we were nothing before all this. If we had not been blessed with these boys, perish the thought, God would have his hand in the center of that. He is with us in the midst of all our seasons. But I am so grateful for where we are today.

Thanksgiving is an especially obvious and necessary time to reflect on the many blessings we have been given, and not just in the here and now. It’s easy to get bogged down with the immediacy of our lives – we are grateful for this house and this weather and this delicious meal.

Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture – the changing of the seasons, and growth and that where we are now is helping us become who we are to be – who God wants us to be.

It’s important to remember all this in the good seasons, but in the tough seasons too. I realized that it had been 11 years since we’d gone to this favorite trail of ours, in large part because it would have been almost impossible to come any sooner. Up until now there have been crying babies and toddlers and little legs not strong enough for such a trek. And that was a challenging season, especially for getting outside the house.

For all the different seasons I’ve experienced, I know there are still so many to come. This Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for all the memories of the past – and the memories that we have yet to make. I’m grateful for where we’ve been, and where we are going. And I pray for grace to always recognize the beauty along the way.