Dark Master

I tell myself I'm going to start exercising. Every day. I've started back swimming a few mornings a week, getting up early and going with a good friend. We treasure this time together, and the added benefit of a good workout.

But I have not started back with the weight lifiting. And I'm not sleeping well. Even as Henry is sleeping better and better, my body is still in the habit of waking up, wide awake, between 3 and 4 a.m. Nearly every morning. I lay in the bed and wait for Henry to cry out to me. But he doesn't. He has become a good little sleeper, but I'm just as tired as when he wasn't.

Today is the day, I tell myself. But then I forget. And then, the house is quiet. Henry is napping and the big boys are playing basketball with Paul. I remember about the weights, but decide I'll eat some chocolate instead. I'm addicted to those Dove Promises, the bite-size dark chocolates with the pithy messages inscribed on the foil.

I go into the pantry and reach up to the top shelf. I keep the chocolates hidden behind the saltines, where no one will ever find them. I tear into my treat.

"Keep the promises you make to yourself," it lectures.

I devour the chocolate. Then I go look for my dumbbells.