Helping Me Chill

One recent evening we had Report Card Pickup at the boys’ school. My mom offered to watch the boys so Paul and I could go together to pick up the progress reports and see each boy’s teacher.

This was our first report card night with all four big boys in elementary school. We weren’t expecting any major issues to discuss, but it was nice to be able to go with Paul, to see the classrooms together and review the boys work. We normally tag team these kinds of events, and it felt like such a luxury to go together.

Throughout our evening, as we moved in and out of each classroom, I was reminded again of how much I love my husband. There had been a few situations recently that Paul needed to address with the boys, and the teachers noted the positive change since then. Paul takes the time to build-up and encourage his boys – and it works wonders.

There was an encounter between one of the younger boys and a classmate. Our boy didn’t appreciate his classmate’s behavior. So he pushed that classmate, who happened to be a girl. In that situation, it seemed so important for the dad to tell the boy how ladies are to be treated. It was a teachable moment between a father and son.

Countless times have I sent the boys to their father – and not just for these kinds of teachable moments. The boys go to Paul to have him answer a question or explain a situation or just clarify the way we as a family do things. I realize that most of these topics I can handle – I can look up the information, or explain something, or simply discipline the boys myself. But in some circumstances, it carries more weight coming from Dad.

And then, there are those instances so out of my realm as a woman I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not that it would merely be better coming from Dad. It’s that I am utterly at a loss. Is this normal, I find myself asking Paul, and should we be worried about it? Did you ever do these kinds of things when you were a boy?

Many times the answer to these questions is yes, that’s normal, and no you shouldn’t worry. Paul knows and understands where these boys are coming from – that he was once a boy sure comes in handy around here!

There are times when I can’t decide how to handle something – or whether or not there is even an issue at all. Sometimes, with these boys of mine, I choose to let things go because I don’t want to micromanage my sons. And Paul is a wonderful source of insight in these moments, too.

I realize of course that dads are invaluable in the life of a daughter, too. Growing up, I had so many wonderful talks with my dad, situations where I sought his guidance and wisdom. And because of all the times he stopped what he was doing to answer my questions, I still seek his advice to this day. I treasure my relationship with my dad.

Maybe what I’m appreciating right now is not simply Paul’s role as the father of our children, but as my partner in raising them. I love the way he loves our boys – and I love just how much he helps me love them.

He takes his role as a father seriously – but not too seriously. And that is an important example he offers me. One of the greatest challenges of having boys, as a woman, is to avoid freaking out on a regular basis. Paul helps me chill out.

And that, I think, is among his most important contributions to this family.