Be like Jerry Falwell!
Posted by
The_Weasel on November 29, 2005 - 3:22 PM
The Rev. Jerry Falwell has threatened to sic the legal organization Liberty Counsel on anyone who spreads misinformation about how Christmas can be celebrated in schools and public spaces. Perhaps this is his attempt to force people to have a Merry Christmas… or else.
The Weasel has decided to follow Rev. Falwell’s lead. Starting today, The Weasel’s crack legal team will file a lawsuit against the following groups if they don’t comply with the following demands:
1) Mexican restaurant workers must say “No habla Espanol†when asked for directions to the restroom.
2) Before a customer places an order, fast-food restaurant cashiers must say “Do you really want to eat here? There’s a nice Mexican restaurant down the street.â€
3) Bank tellers must talk like a pirate. “Arrr!â€
4) All video stores must stock only the following movies: “Weekend at Bernie's,†“From Justin to Kelley†and “Ishtar.â€
5) Car dealers must offer a “buy one, get one free†deal on all vehicles.
6) TV weather forecasters must replace the phrase “partly cloudy†with “lather, rinse, repeat.â€
- Pop goes The Weasel
Next time: It’s time to attack Canada
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