Voting numbers increase dramatically

“So far, we’ve seen more than 40 percent of registered voters out at the polls this morning, and we expect to see another 40 percent in the afternoon,” supervisor Kathy Davis said.

“With any luck, they’ll vote in the people that need to be elected, and won’t have anything to complain about for the next few years.”

Davis said lines at polling places had been steady all morning, a rare site at polling places in recent years.

“We’re used to having a few people come through every hour, no more than a few hundred a day,” Davis said, “but this year we’ve had to rotate the smoke breaks and coffee runs.”

First-time voter Sherman Collins said he never knew what he was missing all these years.

“I’ve been a non-voter for thirty years, and in all this time, nothing has happened the way I wanted it,” Collins said. “I figured it couldn’t hurt to give this a shot. Plus, we get cool stickers.”

Regular voter Eileen Brewster said she loves the feeling she gets after she votes.

“It’s so liberating to put in my two cents on who should lead our area,” Brewster. “Plus, I can talk all the trash I want because I voted and most people don’t.”

Brewster, who said she wears her GA VOTER sticker every day until the next election, said she had mixed emotions about the influx of new voters.

“While I suppose it’s technically a good thing that more people are voting, the fact remains that I vote specifically so I can be all high and mighty to non-voters,” Brewster said. “With fewer people to scoff at, I might have to get a job or something. Gotta fill the time somehow.”

Note: The News Abuser encourages all registered voters to get out there and make your mark. Voters in Georgia can find their precinct information at http://sos.georgia.gov/elections/. South Carolina voters can find out more at www.scvotes.org. And as always, this article is as fake as the day is long.