Local criminal loses laptop containing 30,000 stolen identities
In a bizarre twist on the all too familiar story of corporations losing large amounts of private information on personnel and customers, an Evans man has come forward claiming he lost a laptop containing the stolen identities of more than 30,000 individuals. Columbia County-based hacker Ned Jones, who goes by the online hacker name Carpal Punishment, filed a police report in Richmond County claiming he hasn’t seen the laptop since a trip to Augusta Common to score some free wi-fi.
“So many people today know the pain of having their identities stolen,” Jones said, “but can you imagine the frustration of having over 30,000 stolen from you?”
Jones, who was arrested for identity theft immediately upon filing the police report, said from his cell that the whole thing was just a big misunderstanding.
“I don’t see why I’m in trouble here. Online identity theft is like stealing music; everyone does it,” Jones said. “Isn’t the real issue here the fact that my laptop is missing?”
Richmond County deputy Nathan Thomas took Jones’ missing laptop complaint and was the arresting officer on the case.
“The individual involved in the case made three mistakes in this case,” Thomas said. “First, he broke the law, second he lost the laptop, and third he told police he broke the law.”
“We’ve all arrested our share of dumb criminals, but I think this has to be the first case of a stupid identity thief.”
Charges filed against Jones carry a penalty of 15-30 years in prison and up to a $125,000 fine.
Officials recovered the laptop less than an hour after the police report was filed, noting it was exactly where he said he remembered leaving it. Internet history information revealed a teen found the laptop, checked her Facebook page, and returned it about thirty minutes later.
In the process of notifying individuals that their identities had been stolen, officers noticed the first record in their database happened to belong to Ned Jones himself.
When asked about the situation, he confessed he happened to get what he called “Identity Thief’s Block,” where he didn’t know how to get started.
“It looks so easy when you watch Dateline NBC’s online identity theft series,” Jones said, “but it’s hard. Whose identity do you steal first?”
Note: Identity theft is never cool, and that's the only fact in this story. But it is nice to think about these jerks getting busted...
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