mother knows best

So of all people who were totally freaked out about me doing this, my mom tells me today that she is absolutely positive this is going to happen and that I have nothing to worry about.

Moms: gotta love 'em.

I was just so surprised when she said that. And because she's my mom, she has to know what she's talking about, right? :) haha Well, maybe not all of the time.

what gives?

still no word. i can't believe they're going to make me wait until monday.

A Marriage by Any Other Name....would stink.

My apologies to Shakespeare.

I have just finished watching a documentary on same-sex marriage. Same Sex America chronicles seven Massachusetts couples during that state's fight over same-sex marriage. For the last half hour of the show I sat on my couch, just me and my box of Kleenex; crying as the marriages took place.

I am not one of those right-wing conservatives that are crying over the loss of the sanctity of marriage. I am one of those conservatives who think that the sanctity of marriage was lost when the divorce rate rose above 50%. The crying came, as one by one, all the participants in these marriages wept over the signing of the marriage license. Most weddings have a couple of older ladies, crying under the nettings of their blue hats; but in this instance, all the participants were crying over the simplicity of a legal document.

running on adrenaline

I went running for the second day in a row to work off nervous energy. It seems to have worked because I feel pretty good. While I was running I was thinking about all the plans Annie and I have made since we've reconnected. Since she lives so close to Mexico, she wants to take Drew and I to the Sea of Cortez near Baja California to go fishing and watching for marine life. The last time she went she said she saw whales, dolphins, sharks and manta rays. She's also looking into how much it would cost to go shark watching off the San Diego coast. Going in a shark cage has been a lifelong dream of mine -- it's my version of sky diving. To be able to that would be absolutely frightening and absolutely incredible. I hope we get to do it. But we'd have to wait a year after the surgery because she won't be able to leave the state for medical reasons.

The Silence is Broken

Where to begin? Some blogs have a central theme, an underlying reason for existing. Not this blog. This will be about...nothing, everything, whatever I am reading, whoever I have spoken to, things that annoy me, and the little bits of stupid trivia that I am always picking up.

You are probably waiting for an introduction. For starters, I am 27, married with one daughter. I have spent most of my life here in Augusta. I am somewhat involved in local politics, so from time to time, or all the time, you will hear my ranting on political/governmental issues.

still waiting ...

God, this is like torture. All day I've been on the edge of my seat waiting for a phone call and nothing. Absolutely nothing. The suspense was killing me so much I e-mailed my transplant coordinator -- apologizing profusely -- and asked her if she had received word on the crossmatch. All she wrote back was "The results will take several days."

Arrrgghhhhhh!

I understand where she's coming from though. She is at no liberty to give me information before everything is finalized. And she very well might not know anything yet. But several days?! That is so freaking vague!

bravery

So the person who has the most at stake with this surgery is also the one who is the bravest. I was talking with Annie today and she was telling me that her anemia is causing her problems (her blood pressure is doing fine now). I was telling her I was nervous about the crossmatch and she kept telling me that everything was going to be fine. She seemed so relaxed!! It is amazing she can be so calm at a time like this.

ball of emotions

As I was driving home from a really rough day at work, I went through this huge range of emotions, reflecting on how I might feel when I get the call from the Mayo Clinic on the results of the crossmatch. At first I felt really depressed and forlorn, and nearly had myself crying, when I thought about having the surgery canceled. Then I thought about how happy and excited I am going to feel if the surgery is a go.

whew

I'm glad that's over with! :) The test is done and should be on it's way to arizona. I did just fine during the whole procedure (I had to fill up seven vials again!). But then I started to feel a little woozy in the car. I was bending my arm where the blood was drawn and felt two thumps. I was imagining blood gushing from my arm and that's when I started to feel light-headed. I didn't think we'd make it home. I had Drew put the air-conditioning on full blast and I put the seat back. I was just thinking ... don't panic, don't panic. Luckily, we made it home at about 9:30 and Drew gave me some apple juice and oatmeal-raisin cookies. I'm still very tired and I really should've taken a nap but I really wanted to stay awake to see the shuttle launch (wasn't it the coolest thing in the world to see the big rocket booster break off from the shuttle in space? Wow!!). It was well worth it.

here we go

Wow -- it's way too early in the morning (for a copy editor, that is). I'm up because I want to get the crossmatch test over with and shipped to arizona asap. But I'm already setting off on the right foot because I'm actually eating something before I go! (The first time I did this, in April, I thought I had to fast ... not the best idea I've ever had.) I'm going to do some yoga stretches to warm up my body and then Drew and I will be off.

butterflies

OK -- so I'm nervous. Tomorrow is Annie and I's last crossmatch test. This test will determine whether or not the surgery will be held. My blood will be drawn and sent overnight to Arizona and will be tested with her's to see if our antigens have a reaction. If the test comes back negative, that means there was no reaction and the surgery will go on as scheduled. If it's positive, that means there was a reaction and it will be canceled.

chocolate and the sun

Augustans visiting the Bobby Jones Wal-Mart on Sunday morning have given me a firm answer: They'll donate, but they'll skip the sweets.

It's true, I probably would've sold more of the baked goods around Christmas time when the colder weather makes us hungry for sugary treats. I told Drew we probably would've done just as well if we were selling slices of watermelon and cantaloupe. Oh well!

Regardless of our failure to sell a lot of treats, we did get plenty of donations from some generous people. We made $33. Thank you Augusta! :)

surgery: another reason to shop?

I know, you're probably puzzled over the headline. What the hell is she talking about? (The shopping demons in me are strong ...) :)

I've been reading about the menial things that will happen after the surgery and I realized that I need somewhat of an adjustable wardrobe. (Mom, if you're reading this, I wish you were here so we could go shopping!) My stomach is going to be very tender because of my scars and bloating and I'm going to need some size-bigger-than-normal pants and oversize shirts. The shirts I have taken care of -- I have lots of old extra-large shirts I wore in high school and college -- but the pants are another thing. I think this might be my excuse to head to Target or Old Navy to grab some stretchy yoga pants and shorts. ... And maybe some other things, too.

Coming to a Wal-Mart near you

For all you Augustans who love sugary treats, I'm going to be at the Wal-Mart on Bobby Jones Expressway from 9 to 1 p.m. Sunday selling some good stuff (cookies, brownies, slices of pie). The good folks at Wal-Mart were happy to allow me to set up a table outside. So I'll be there with Drew with an umbrella and cooler in tow to keep cool in the sun. The cost of the treats will range from 50 cents to $1.

first steps

Last night, with Mookie laying next to me, I wrote up a rough draft of my will. (shudder) I made directives about what I want done with Mookie, my jewelry, clothes, diaries, photo albums, and even how and where I want to be buried. It was all very surreal because it's probably not something your typical 24-year-old has to do. But like I said before, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Good news: With my letters that I sent out late last month, people have contributed $500 to the fund, which puts us at about $700. That doesn't include the $500 that we made on Sunday at my bake sale, and I'll be sending out that money next week.

fighting off depression

It's widely thought that living donors, after their surgery, suffer from bouts of depression. It's caused by unfamiliarity with their surroundings if they're in the hospital for a long time or their recovery is in a place other than their home. I'll be in Arizona for a week after the surgery and then back in the city where I was raised for two more weeks. It's only after then that I'll be coming back to Georgia.

anesthesia

I just wrote my transplant coordinator, Mira, about the kind of anesthesia I'll be getting for my surgery. The one other time that I did have surgery (for my bottom wisdom teeth), I threw up as soon as I got home because I felt so nauseous. My mom and my brother Michael have also gotten very sick after surgery and I'm hoping there are other medicines out there that won't make me as sick when the time comes to go under the knife.

last wishes

I have to fill out a form very soon outlining my last directives in case of major problems related with the surgery. I was given the forms when I was at the Mayo Clinic in May but I had completely forgotten about them until a few days ago. My dad wanted me to fill them out then and there but I really didn't feel comfortable even discussing it.

It is an important thing to do. I don't want to go through something similar to Terri Schiavo if something terrible happens to me. But it's just hard to think about, to think of yourself possibly dying. Again, I ask myself, what am I getting myself into. But regardless of what I'm going to do next month, it's something good to have prepared because you never know when something might happen.

people power

Yesterday was the pancake brunch/bake sale at my boyfriend and I's abode and it was a complete success. More than $500 was raised, thanks to my co-workers' generosity. And I got more good news when another co-worker called me earlier today to tell me that he has talked to some of his friends that own some businesses in town and are in bands, and they're interested in putting together a benefit for Annie and I.

still shy after all these years

I'm having a hard time asking people I know for money. Today, a co-worker came up to me and said that if they couldn't go to the bake sale Sunday, could they just write me a check. I froze up and meekly replied, "Do whatever you feel comfortable doing."

(sigh)

I should've taken charge and said "Yes! A check would be great! Thank you very much!" You see, I don't want to come off as greedy. I don't think what I am doing is greedy by any means, but my mother's view of fundraising (she doesn't like fundraising, at all) sometimes creeps into my head.

tidying up

On Sunday I'm having a pancake brunch/bake sale at my house to raise money for Annie and I's fundraiser and that means ... cleaning house. Don't worry, I won't bore you with the details of how messy our house is. :) But it'll be ready.

I plan on calling some local stores and see if I can set up camp in front of them to sell off any extra baked goodies that aren't sold Sunday. Hey, maybe I'll be coming to a store near you! :)

trial and error

So I'm learning that I need to take more time and do some closer editing when it comes to sending out fundraising information. Today, as I was laying in corpse pose at the end of my yoga class, for some reason I started to think about the fundraising letters I had sent out to family and friends two weeks ago. Then it dawned on me that I had dated the letter "July 30, 2005" instead of "June 30, 2005". A small error, but enough to make me embarassed. It turns out someone had already pointed that out to Drew and he had forgotten to tell me. Oh well....

how YOU can help

Hello there!

There's been some interest from you all out there in how you can help donate to Annie and I's fund-raiser. Well, here is the information:

To make a tax-deductible donation, please make a check payable to:
NTAF Southwest Kidney Transplant Fund
Print in the memo section of the check: In honor of Jeanneanne Roberts
Please send the check to: NTAF (stands for National Transplant Assistance Fund)

less than a month to go

Hey y'all, I'm back. And right now it's crunch time. Sunday marked one month before the surgery. And, yes, I am getting nervous. It sounds kind of cheesy, but I was watching the new Real World during the weekend and one of cast members had to go in for surgery on his cheekbone. There he was in his hospital gown, laying on the stretcher, getting wheeled in to surgery. I immediately thought, Oh my God -- that's going to be me. That's when the pit of my stomach drops out and my face feels all hot. It's not a good feeling. I've never had such a major surgery done. The most I've had done is get my wisdom teeth out.

staying healthy

Something that I'm trying to do before the surgery is getting in shape. I'm not out of shape, really, but I'm trying to tone my stomach and increase my endurance so I will be able to bounce back easier.

Right now I'm taking yoga and pilates classes and I'm trying to coax myself back into running about two miles at least two times a week. I told my yoga instructor about my surgery and how I wanted to strengthen my abs, so she's been good about putting more of a focus in that area lately during our classes.

absolutely amazing

So I realized today that I have nothing to worry about as far as fund-raising. I know some very wonderful people. Let me list a few examples:

1) My super friend, Kati, who sent out Annie and I's info to her friends and co-workers, has extended my reach for fund-raising. A friend of her husband-to-be has already sent a check in the mail. He went to the same high school as I did and he has a younger brother that I graduated with. He said he wanted to support another Sioux City-an. Also, an old friend whom I had not heard from in a long time got Kati's e-mail and posted the information on his own blog. All I have to say is, you are a wonderful person, Greg, and thank you!

coasting through

I was thinking to myself today, am I crazy for doing this? When I was talking to Kati on the phone today about the procedure and facts and figures about living organ donation, she said it sounded like I knew what I was talking about. But the fact is I knew absolutely nothing about all this. I didn't even take anatomy in high school, that's how little I know about my physiology. Science wasn't my best subject.

super friend

My friend Kati in Kansas is so wonderful. She got the fund-raising letter that I sent to her and she ended up forwarding the information to all of her friends. Some of them might be donating to the fund.

I am so happy, and so overwhelmed at the same time. :) Yay!

leaving on a jet plane

My dad booked my flights for next month and so I'm all ready to go to Phoenix. The only thing that stands in my way now is the crossmatch test later this month. I'll be on a direct America West flight from the ATL to the sunny, hot Southwest.

One thing I'm concerned about right now is securing a dog sitter. I have a 6-month-old Lhasa Apso at home and with Drew and I both gone, we'll need to find a place for him to stay. I definitely don't want to board the poor pup. Drew and I are working on possibly having his aunt and uncle take care of him until he gets back.

$5,000

The number 5,000 is hanging over my head right now. That is how much money Annie and I are trying to raise to go toward our surgeries. Not only will the money help me for travel and lodging expenses and lost wages, but leftover money will help Annie with her medication.

She told me today that the medicine she gets after the surgery will cost in the THOUSANDS monthly, for the rest of her life. She won't have to pay for all of it, thanks to her insurance, but she will have to pay for some vitamins and heart meds that it won't cover. Isn't it just amazing (and disgusting) that as Americans we have to fork over so much money, just to survive?

i felt that

Driving home from work today, I got one of those sharp jabs of fear. I was thinking about how I was going on vacation next weekend to Florida and how it was going to be my last outing in a bathing suit scar-free. Then I started thinking about how much pain I'd be in after the surgery. And then panic hit me when I thought, what if Annie's body rejects my kidney right away?

(gulp)

Believe me, that thought had crossed my mind before, but I think it really hit me this time. In that situation, it's not like they can put my poor, rejected left kidney back in me. And, now that I think about it, what do they do with rejected organs? Do they bury them? Or do they get thrown in the trash? I think I'd like to have mine cremated and spread around somewhere. But still, that is such a scary thought!

60 down, many more to go

Today, I made my first effort at fund-raising. I sent off more than 60 letters to friends and family seeking donations to the fund. I decided to delay calling back some local resturants because I knew they were going to be busy. I'd rather talk to them when they're relaxed and more open-minded!

But the letters ... what a load off my shoulders!

Today the thought occurred to me that I might not pass the last crossmatch test this month. I asked myself what I would do if that happened. Obviously, I would be upset because I wouldn't be able to help Annie, and I would hope that someone else in my family would step up and be tested. But I also thought about maybe still going through the process for another person. Someone completely anonymous to me.

sense of urgency

My cousin called me Wednesday when I was at PetSmart getting treats for my dog and told me she's quickly losing kidney function. She was born with chronic kidney failure and just went on the transplant list this past April. Her doctors said she's losing her function faster than usual, so that means more meds and less activity and fluids. Since she lives in the white hot heat of Yuma, Ariz., she won't be going out during the day.

When she told me that I was just shocked, and I wished the surgery date was closer than it is (Aug. 10). Annie's doctors aren't going to put her on dialysis because they say the kidney will have a better chance of survival. I hope that's true. She needs to be as healthy as possible before the surgery. I hope she can hang in there.