Role and competition

          Competitiveness and dominance are stereotypical male behaviors, while expected behaviors for females include accommodation and passivity. Despite rather general agreement as to those sex-role stereotypes, gender differences in actual, rather than expected, assertive behaviors are less clear.

          Competition is usually defined as the acts of two or more persons who are striving for the same position or object. In the present context, I use this term in the sense of striving for a position of dominance.

          Men are generally more competitive with other man than women are with other women. In cross-gender interaction, a clear pattern does not emerge from the literature.

          To dominate is to rule or control through superior power or influence. Like competitiveness, dominance is considered more appropriate for man than for women.

          Although females compete with males under certain conditions, males do not compete with females. However, males apparently interrupt females freely, thus suggesting that males assume a dominant position. Females tend to "interrupt back," an indication that male dominance is not acceptable. However, females are also more submissive toward husbands than toward other males.

          The prototypical family provides a concrete experiential paradigm for being man or woman, a paradigm that helps organize behavior in other contexts too. Specifically, it is the reproductive and productive functioning of women and men within the prototypical domestic sphere which becomes the concrete anchor for conceptualizing gendered behavior, and accounting for the gendered nature of social action in other spheres. 

          Femininity and masculinity are structured by the functions of the two in the domestic domain — the rest of the gender construction may be thought of as an epiphenomenon of the gendered structure of reproduction.The only way for a couple to survive is to find the way to compete each other, to find the resources inside of that couple to accept and complete each other.

          Life in a couple should not be a permanent competition but a permanent collaboration and sharing of love, trust and support.

Perfection?

                 In Psychology we believe that perfection can and should be attained. Perfection could be defined as the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects while a person or thing might be perceived as the embodiment of such a condition, state or quality.
               The word "perfection" has a special meaning in mathematics,  where it gives aproper name to certain numbers that demonstrate uncommon properties. Except for the mathematical sense, the concepts of "perfection" show a kinship, and oscillate between ideal and approximation. Perfectionists are people who strive to meet very high standards in everything they do, be it in the workplace, in sport, cooking and so on. Perfectionists can be lumped into two categories based on how flexible they are about their standards. Normal perfectionists set high standards for themselves but drop their standards if the situation requires it. Neurotic perfectionists never feel that they have done their job well enough. They are very intolerant of mistakes and extremely self-critical. Seeking Perfection looks at what happens when a hobby becomes an obsession and gets out of control. Striving for perfection is the desire that we all have to fulfill our potentials, to come closer and closer to our ideal. Perfectionism can be a beneficial or destructive, desire or obsession to be the best.We all seek if not for perfection, and then at least for some kind of personal progress that can bring us joy, contentment and happiness. A person should be understood also in terms of his or her goals, for activities progressively modify and transform one in relation to the perfection of which one is by nature capable and which one freely chooses. All the persons are conscious of perfection that they do not possess, but toward which they are dynamically oriented. The path of simplicity does invites everyone, with no exceptions, to journey along its way, and this is what we must do, accept the path, in the knowledge that it is progress that we are seeking and not perfection.

Finding your partner

The fluctuations in relationship satisfaction are influenced by other factors, including our own level of tiredness, skills in communicating, problem solving and managing stress, our ability to deal with outside pressures such as work, family, finances and our own dreams, goals and expectations for our own life and our relationship.

In order for a relationship to survive and flourish both partners need to feel they are receiving adequate support. Having these needs met is a combination of each partner having realistic expectations about the other’s ability to meet your needs, creating an environment where both partners are aware of and able to meet each other’s need for support.

In order to determine if an attribute is essential or optional, there are a couple techniques you can use. Firstly, imagine yourself in a relationship with someone who does not possess that attribute. How would you feel? Would you feel constantly frustrated and annoyed? Or would you be mildly irritated now and then? Would you not even notice the absence of this characteristic past the initial stage? Obviously if you imagine yourself feeling constantly irritated, then this attribute is absolutely essential for your ideal mate to possess.

The attribute of physical attractiveness is a peculiar category. Finding your partner pleasing to look at may be important to you and if your ideal mate cannot fulfill your particular requirements for being physically desirable, it is likely to cause problems in the future when you will be drawn to others who are physically desirable to you.

Therefore you should look for a partner that will offer you the true love instead of one that you just find cute.

Steps for a better self

          Everyday outside the work environment, there are stories documenting the pressure of the ever-faster pace of life that leaves individuals with poor life balance feeling they have little or no time for personal interests, relationships, family, or even health.  In this situation, it is easy to lose sight of what is important and to find it difficult to know which direction to take to make things better.
          Because self confidence and feeling good has a major 'hormonal' element, you can change the way you feel by re-living good times. If you can remember a time you felt really self confident, then excellent - use that! If not, then use a time you felt contented or happy. Taking deliberate control of your thoughts and emotions will have a huge impact on your self confidence and other areas of your life.

            When you feel self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something outside of yourself to focus on and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of color, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.

             Social self confidence can be difficult to find sometimes because it is unclear what you are 'supposed to do'. In this event, concentrate on what your purpose in the situation is. People are often most comfortable with others when working towards a common goal. The common goal of socializing could be making friends, the exchange of mutually beneficial information, expanding your knowledge of different types of people... it could be whatever you want it to be! The key is to have an aim. Challenging your own assumptions about yourself and other people can really help build self confidence.            

Marital Psychology

            It has been suggested that early experiences in families may be related to one’s parenting as an adult. Conceptual models were tested that investigated how personality and marital relationships are linked to parenting within and between generations.

           Relationships are an essential part of our lives, from family and friends to partners and spouses. We have a natural tendency to develop intimate and intense relationships with a few select individuals, which can bring joy and happiness. Difficulties in relationships are one of the most common causes of unhappiness, and often brings people into therapy
            To attain a deep understanding of the relationship between women and men, it seems to us essential that the issue be situated within larger biological issues, namely the comparative characterization of the human animal and the general significances of sex and sociality, in the living world. In all societies, women and men enter into individualized marital alliances, which entail entitlements and obligations recognized and acknowledged by the marrying couple and by others. A central component of marital alliance is that it bestows legitimate sexual access (often, but not always, exclusive). Not coincidentally, marriage is also the relationship within which reproduction is deemed legitimate, normal, or appropriate, and marriage entails the expectation that the couple's reciprocal obligations will extend far beyond conception. In other words, the relationship between marital partners develops, in the event of reproduction, into a relationship of biparental obligations. Moreover, marital alliance is the relationship that determines and/or legitimizes the cross-generational transfer of heritable material and social resources.             

Money and Psychology

If psychological factors influence your spending, credit reduction programs are like using perfume to cover body odor: they will treat only the symptoms, not the root cause.   

Psychology and overweight.

Approximately 135 million adults in the United States are overweight. That's 64.5 percent of the population. Of all U.S. adults, 4.7 percent or about 10 million are morbidly obese

Very many people engage in dieting.  Health professionals could be forgiven for assuming that reducing diets are for fat people.  However, this is far from the case. Up to one third of men and women in the western world is said to be overweight.  Yet twice as many believe that they weigh more than they should.  Thinking that one is overweight is more common in normal weight women than in men.  Moreover, not only do these normal weight people believe they weigh too much, many also have lives that are in some way restricted by worry about weight. There is no diet program nor diet pill that will yield permanent weight loss unless you are willing and able to process and resolve the psychological issues that you have concerning your extra pounds.

The popularity of dieting is fuelled by several factors, the first being a national aversion to fatness. This attitude sets in at a very young age.  Schoolchildren in one study showed a stronger aversion to being overweight than to being blind or physically crippled, Even children as young as 8 are restricting their food intake and by age 15 one in three has been on a diet.

Dieting also changes the way we feel about our body. 

The terrible internal conflicts which are the result of food restraint are a source of continual stress.  All dieters score higher than non dieters on measures of emotional agitation and are more likely to show impaired mental performance.

By denying themselves food, dieters also make it much more important.  Dieters are more likely than non dieters to turn to food when they are emotionally anxious or depressed.  This phenomenon is created by dieting itself.

Suicide Facts

Suicide cannot be defined other than the act of taking ones own life. To some, it could be a selfish act, something weak and brash and stupid. To others, it could be the ultimate sacrifice, to take life and death into one’s own hands and decide weather or not they live or die. Untreated mental illness (including depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and others) is the cause for the vast majority of suicides. Some people are genetically predisposed to depression, and thus they may not appear to be undergoing any negative life experiences, yet still become depressed, and may die by suicide.

                 Women continue to attempt suicide more often, but men tend to complete suicide more often. Many people who complete suicide do not tell any mental-health professional they plan to kill themselves in the months before they do so.

                Suicide prevention measures that are put in place following a psychiatric hospitalization usually involve mental-health professionals trying to implement a comprehensive outpatient treatment plan prior to the individual being discharged. Suicide prevention measures that are put in place following a psychiatric hospitalization usually involve mental-health professionals trying to implement a comprehensive outpatient treatment plan prior to the individual being discharged.

               Over  19,000 young people attempt suicide every year and about 700 of these succeed.Firearms are by far the most common means by which people take their life, accounting for nearly 60% of suicide deaths per year. Older people are more likely to kill themselves using a firearm compared to younger people.

Stress tips

Pressure is part and parcel of all work and helps to keep us motivated. But excessive pressure can lead to stress, which undermines performance, is costly to employers and can make people ill.

Work-related stress accounts for over a third of all new incidences of ill health.

Over 12 million working days were lost to stress, depression and anxiety in last year. Tackling stress can have a positive effect on: employee commitment to work, staff performance and productivity, staff turnover or intention to leave, staff recruitment and retention, customer satisfaction and organizational image and reputation.

When someone is experiencing stress and stress-related illness you will need to consider who else it would be appropriate to involve. For example, if the issue is pressure at work, it may be enough to involve just the individual and their line manager

It is important to take action at a personal level and to review your lifestyle to see if you can identify any contributing factors. A simple checklist might include: eating on the run, or in a disorganized manner, smoking, or drinking excessively, rushing, hurrying, being available to everyone, doing several jobs at once, missing breaks, taking work home with you, having no time for exercise and relaxation.

The refugees and their trauma

They have a life without a home. The refugees are unable to work, reliant on others for aid, in communities that often reject them.

Different races, religions, cultures but all have been forced to flee and to live together in a crowded place.

I used to be a psychotherapist for this kind of individuals back in Europe and I did it both in Romania and Czech Republic. In both countries I have met people who had similar stories, similar problems, and no matter where they came from.

A significant proportion of refugees have experienced severe trauma. Many have been tortured, refugees are victims of persecution.

Refugees often have little idea about where they are going. They are running away, not running to.

The severity of trauma experienced by refugees can vary widely.

Most refugees do not acquire psychiatric disorders-a testimony to the resilience of humans to stress and loss. However, epidemiological studies of refugees indicate higher-than-expected rates of psychopathology. Most of these disorders are those with which psychiatrists are familiar, mood, anxiety and substance disorders.

Refugees with various psychiatric disorders may manifest distrust, suspiciousness or ideas of reference. Typically, paranoid symptoms in refugees diminish with amelioration of the presenting disorder (whether a mood, anxiety or substance problem). Some isolated refugees may acquire the characteristics of paranoid personality during their later adult years.

Between five and thirty-five percent of the world’s refugees and asylums are estimated to have been tortured. Torture is a global public health problem, and the use of torture has reached epidemic proportions worldwide. Early intervention in treating trauma symptoms is important in preventing future disability and prolonged suffering.

In the past, most refugees had the opportunity to integrate and become useful to their host societies. Today`s refugees often find themselves confined in overcrowded refugee camps and settlements which may be little more than a dead end, where human dignity is liable to be crushed and hope and regeneration seriously endangered.

I used to provide them psychological support, acting as a group psychotherapist, meeting the challenge to have together Muslims and Christians, people of opposite opinions and cultures but who were pushed into the conflict by people that had nothing in common with them. It was not their war and it was my job to make their life easier, to help them accept themselves and to pass through their drama.

I have found the best method in the group therapy and role playing and this helped me “lift their souls” as they have expressed themselves.

This kind of work requires dedication and time, but it opens a great perspective. You get to the point to value the small things and to hear stories that you may find unreal. There is a different universe, where you can find the drama, the tragedy, the crime, the life and death, the value of the basic things that are normal for us and most of all, you have the chance to value the life!

Today's thoughts

The purpose of this blog is to answer your questions. It is also designed to be a place of debates and an exchange of ideas. You may post any questions, thoughts and ideas with psychological implications. You might have had questions for a long time. Now you have the opportunity to find the answer that you have been looking for!

Talking about the things that concern you will make you feel better, understand yourself and give you the chance to be a better person. Together we can help other people who have the same questions but have never asked for an answer.

This is an invitation for you to post questions for me and to find here the answers that you are looking for.

This is also a personal challenge for me. I have always loved to work with people, directly or through media. I have fully enjoyed doing this in Europe and I have now the chance to continue doing this, here in the USA. Therefore, I will put all my energy to make this blog work for everybody.