Songs of Experience

The poet William Blake, an English Romanticist, thought there were two states of the mind, "Innocence" and "Experience". The former was characterized by a love for all mankind and a general rosy happy outlook, and unquestioned faith. The latter was characterized by despair, despair, and more despair over the true state of humanity, with no view of any way out. The highest state of the mind was "Organized Innocence". He thought it was when one has sees how horrible humans can be but knows they are all ultimately noble, amazing creatures who are just wonderful and all that. Maybe I'm not remembering it exactly right, but that's the part I can recall about it.

I give him the first two states. I've experienced them. But the third state? I personally believe in "Enlightened Innocence". One has seen the world and how horrible it can be, but then one sees that there is still light, and that light comes from God. He is hope, purity, truth, joy, all the things that seem missing from so much of the world today. He is beauty, laughter, our saving grace. So, while we may despair at the state of humanity, there is a way of escaping this fallen world. Well, not exactly escaping, but of having hope. HOORAh! :)

All that to say, my heart is hurting. It always aches whenever I hear news of a child being killed, kidnapped, hurt, dying because of the many horrible things that can hurt such fragile beings. I praise God for the rescue of Ben Ownby and Shawn Hornbeck, but I still just hurt, especially for Shawn. I can't imagine either of my brothers being taken from me, not knowing whether they were alive or dead for so many years, not knowing what they were suffering. It just makes me want to rip my heart out or something. I just don't understand why such things happen, why such evil, evil men exist. I know all have sinned, all have fallen, and it is only God's grace that keeps the world from being as awful as it could be, but things like that just HURT. The world just seems so dark at times.

There is light, though, and hope. I see it everyday in the blessings God gives, the way He uses bad things for good, the peace He gives me even as the world is filled with chaos. "Pampered, born with a silver spoon in her mouth," some might say. "Stupid, unthinking, silly airhead," others. Whate'er, whate'er. I have had hard times, and I do think, almost too much, and through everything I've seen these things to be true. I've got peace like a river...

The world is a big, scary place. I am glad I serve omnipotent, omnipresent, good, and loving God.

Winter Walks

I survived getting my wisdom teeth out, hoorah. My mandible (that's lower jaw for all of you not in high school anatomy) still aches, but the swelling's gone for the most part and I can eat most solid food. I never realised how much I use the teeth in the back of my mouth until I had my teeth out. Having to use my front teeth to chew everything for the past couple of days has been very interesting. My constant companion has been a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a towel. They make the best ice packs, but they smell kind of funny after a while.
The other night, to get out of the house after laying around in a daze for most of the weekend, I took a walk with my dad. It was clouding up some, which was disappointing because I wanted to see the stars. The winter night sky is my favourite. Anyway, the light pollution was awful. I could have easily read a book outside even though it was well after dark, just because of all the lights from Augusta and the surrounding areas reflecting off the low clouds. But as we walked along, we came to a patch of open sky. It was beautiful, Orion was just coming into view and the patch outlined in bright cloud. The wind gradually blew the clouds over the little patch, but I was thankful for the bit I got to see. I love stars and winter nights. A snowy winter night would be very much appreciated at the moment. Maybe there'll be snow for my birthday. I can always hope!

Pythons and Wisdom Teeth

I found a picture on the National Geographic website the other day. I like to get on the site to look at the different photographs and articles that they put up everyday. As I was looking through the review of the week in pictures the other day, I noticed a very interesting headline at the bottom of the page. "Photos in the News: Python Eats Pregnant Sheep."
Woah. I couldn't resist clicking on it. It was the weirdest picture I've ever seen in my life. The little story under it told about how authorities in the village in Malaysia were called on to come and move it from the middle of the road. And that got me thinking about how terribly odd it would be to be driving along and then suddenly be stopped in your tracks by a bloated python laying in the middle of the road, stuffed with a pregnant sheep. Equally fascinating was the link to the other news story about a python in the Everglades that had been found dead. It had killed and eaten a 6-foot alligator, but the alligator was too big, so the python literaly busted a gut. It was disgusting, but amazing. Both snakes were, and both stories made me thankful that I have the sense not to try to each things much larger than myself. I couldn't figure out why the pictures were so enthralling, but then I realised it was just the very concept of the impossible. Both were mind-boggling, like me actually managing to eat my computer.

In other news, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow, all four. I still haven't figured out why they're called wisdom teeth. If anyone knows, I'd love to know why. I'm kind of nervous, because I really don't like being put to sleep, but I'm excited about the prospect of eating tons of Jell-O and watching my Lord of the Rings Extended Editions. Jell-O is a wonderful, wonderful invention.

Migratory

I've got to stop it with the bird references. They're kind of driving me crazy. Two isn't terrible, though, and maybe I'll be feeling more creative next entry.

So, anyway, I always get this longing for travel this time of year. Wanderlust. Augusta winter weather disgusts me. I look outside, and the trees are all bare, silver and lovely, with the evergreens shining through. There should be snow, or icy winds, or at least below 60 degrees. But never. It gets cold for short little two-day bursts, but then it's back in the balmy 60s, even 70s, and the sun's shining and it's feeling like April. Except it's January. Yesterday was a lovely day though. I just should have been born in Scandinavia somewhere. Then I could have my snow until I was sick of it.

I'm glad some people enjoy this weather, though. I went on a walk on the Greeneway in North Augusta yesterday, and it was crowded. Kids buzzing around on bikes and older couples walking slowly through the shade. It was very sweet to see. But I felt like I was sopping in sweat after my walk. I had to use the AC in my car. And it's January. I think I've made my point.

All that to say: I want to go some place where there's snow, and tons of it. And I'd like to see the Northern Lights as well.

Before I close, I have a horrible joke that I made up while reading a chapter of my AP Government book. I guess it'd only be a joke for dorks or judges who have been appointed for life. I don't have anyone else to tell it to, so here goes.
"How is going to prison better than becoming a judge?"
*blank stare*
"You get out of prison for good behaviour." *cricket noises*
Sorry it's terrible and doesn't make sense. :)

Let it snow!!!

Leaving the Nest, Almost

Well, I just got one small flutter closer to flying the coop. I just sent in my housing application for UGA, and it was terrifying. I've shared a room with my younger sister for the vast majority of my life. And next year I'll get a new roomate. Which is both exciting and the before mentioned terrifying. What if she smells funny? Or hates all my Lord of the Rings posters? Or can't deal with my incessant talk about Britain, or history, or Cheese? What if she's a party girl who won't understand my homebodiness? I'm praying for a person who will be different enough from me so as to challenge me and help me grow, but enough like me as to sympathise with me and communicate with me. It's all terribly daunting. But Mum keeps on telling me it'll be okay, that God will be with me always, and that I won't have to live there forever. But the Unknown is always a little scary, no matter Who holds your hand as you walk into it.
What a cheerful way to begin my new little blog. I just am feeling so small and young today. Being the firstborn is a very hard task. But thanks for reading! I know this entry isn't very long, but scholarships applications call me away.