Movie Review: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

The Weasel has pieced together reviews of the movie, and gleaned information from movie trailers, online gossip and inside information to give you this review. IT‘S JUST LIKE ALL OF THE OTHER INDIANA JONES MOVIES.

Movie Review: Iron Man

Just what the world needs - another superhero. This time it's “Man in a gold-titanium alloy suit that's painted red because gold is too flashy” (aka “Iron Man”).

A new taste sensation - The Weasel

Everybody loves ice cream. And many of us enjoy a beer or two. Why not combine these two unlikely ingredients into a new drink I call “The Weasel.”

The Weasel’s guide to Augusta

Here’s what the local media won’t tell you about Augusta:

Movie Review: Bond, lame Bond

James Bond is back and he’s better than, well, George Lazenby.

The film begins in classic black-and-white. We see Bond violently kill a man with his bare hands in a men‘s room - and then he doesn’t wash has hands afterward! Later, he shoots a guy in Reno, just to watch him die.

Movie Review: The Astronaut Farmer

The Astronaut Farmer is a story about a cattleman who wants to fulfill his lifelong dream of becoming an astronaut by building a rocket in his barn.

Shouldn’t it be called The Astronaut Cattleman?

Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a box of Pooh

I admit it. I like to eat Pooh.

It seems other people don’t share my yearning for a chunk of the brown stuff.

The Weasel's Augusta Autobahn

A recent story in The Augusta Chronicle explained how the government is about to spend millions of dollars to build a few bridges and improve roads in downtown Augusta. This, the traffic engineers say, will ease some roadway congestion.

What Augusta really needs is an Autobahn.

Honey, they shrunk the toilet paper, too

During a recent visit to Target, The Weasel noticed the stacks of toilet paper didn't line up perfectly. One stack was about a half inch taller than the others.

Upon a closer inspection, The Weasel discovered Charmin's ultra super-mega double rolls, the size so big they need to be placed on a special roll extender, have been downsized.

Real news from The Weasel

Who needs to make stuff up when the news is sometimes stranger than the truth.

Here are a few examples:

Vote for The Weasel!

The Weasel wants your vote on Election Day.

Here is your chance to tell the politically connected that you would rather waste your vote on The Weasel than help one of their hand-picked weasels get into office.

No Iraqi left behind

With the war in Iraq going badly, and the possibility of Democrats sweeping the midterm elections, President Bush gathered his staff and military planners this weekend to hammer out an exit strategy for Iraq.

Combining "Stay the Course" with "Cut and Run" and "No Child Left Behind," the administration has created a bold new plan.

Honey, they shrunk the ice cream

In the dead of night, suddenly, and without warning, the ice cream in your local store’s freezer has shrunk.

How was this diabolical deed done?

Quite literally - they cut corners.

Bush's campaign of terror

WASHINGTON - President Bush kicked off the 2006 election campaign with a series of speeches designed to scare voters and improve his poll numbers before the mid-term elections in November. The president reminded the American people that "we are at war," and that evildoers are everywhere, even under our beds when we go to sleep at night.

Mitch Miller must die!

Let The Weasel be perfectly clear. The Weasel does not wish Mitch Miller any harm. In fact, The Weasel has great admiration for Mr. Miller’s musical genius and would like him to live a long and happy life.

But The Weasel predicts that Mr. Miller will pass away shortly after the publication of this blog. Mitch Miller must die to prove that The Weasel has abilities far beyond mortal men.

Survival: Segregation Island

They've set race relations back 100 years with the latest reality TV series "Survival: Segregation Island."

Watch the commercial for what will be the most controversial show on TV this fall.

What were they thinking?

This is another production from The Puppet Parody Theatre.

Take the Weasel’s quiz

Are you a closet liberal?

Do you have conservative tendencies?

Take The Weasel’s quiz and find out what you really are.

Oh, you meant THAT Constitution

The President says he has the power to hold enemy combatants indefinitely. He says the NSA can spy on U.S. citizens despite a law barring such activities. He is keeping documents seized at a congressman’s office away from the F.B.I.

What gives the President these sweeping powers? The Freedonia Constitution! You know, Freedonia, the financially troubled country featured in the Marx Brothers film ‘Duck Soup.’

The government has apparently substituted the U.S. Constitution with the constitution of Freedoia.

Y did they make this X-Men movie?

The X-Men return to the big screen for another action-packed adventure.

This time around, an angry mob of Goth-looking mutants, led by the evil Magneto, want to stop a company from producing a mutant “cure.” A single shot turns mutants back into humans, eliminating all of their superpowers.

The usual cast of characters are here - Wolverine, Storm, Xavier, Jean Grey, the naked blue chick and Wally. The only thing missing is a good script.

The Weasel reviews the movie ‘Cars’

Set in a freaky automotive world, the animated movie ‘Cars’ is one of PIXAR’s best creations.

As you might expect, the movie is jam-packed with cars - thousands of them - in every imaginable shape and size. In fact, just about everything in this movie is a car or looks like a car part.

The movie follows the exploits of rookie race car driver Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson), a car with the driving skills of a roller derby skater and an annoyingly arrogant attitude. He can win races, has adoring fans, but has no friends.